Monday, April 30, 2012

Have to let you fly...

Yes, there's plenty of maternity time left, but I write this to you now so when the day comes when it runs out, we can read it together.

To my Birdie (and my Peanut),
Your Mommy is a working Mommy and Birdie, there will come a time when your Mama will have to leave you for a bit in the day (Emmi is familiar so talk to her if you can).

Someday when you are old enough to read this and understand you will know that the guilt I feel about being a working Mom will always be there, but my love for you will be stronger than the guilt.

I promise you that the quality of my mothering and the joy of time spent with you will not be overshadowed by the worry about the time we have to spend apart.

I am learning that when I am absent the earth does in fact keep revolving and the sun still shines at home. Your Daddy makes sure of that.

There will be times (okay probably many times) when I will struggle to wake up in the morning but I will be comforted by: "She gets up while it is still dark; she provides food for her family" Proverbs 31:15.

I am realizing my job is not a punishment but a chance for me to show you how to be strong, organized, and independent.

I am learning to trust that the love I have for you is more than enough to last through a work day and beyond.

I will always be here for you. I will always have time for you, even when it may look like I do not.

I will still apologize to you for not being able to stay home when the time comes and I hope that you will forgive me and not feel angry or sad that I had to leave. And if you do, one day we will talk about it because I might feel angry or sad about it too.

Even when we are apart, we will be near, always.

I love you more than anything,


Monday, April 23, 2012


In my short time of being a Mommy, I have realized that Motherhood is all about happiness and grief. Grief? Did she say grief? Yes, grief. As a Mom, you are happy for all the milestones and progress in your child's life but those progressions are a package deal. Kind of a "buy one, get one free", if you will. Because every accomplishment holds hands with its pal sweet sadness. Sweet sadness is where you grieve for that moment of growth that once passed, cannot be undone. In truth, I celebrate and grieve every day. I celebrate Logan's development while simultaneously grieving and holding onto that sweetness of whatever he has outgrown. My own Mother warned me about it. What am I supposed to do when it happens? I remember asking her (at a time when Emmi was still but an orange-sized being inside of me). You celebrate, you smile, you laugh, you cry, then you let it go and keep going to the next phase or stage, she said. Really? That's it? That's it, she said. Now looking back, I realize what else can you do? Relish the sweetness, roll around in it a bit even, grieve it... then let it go.
So, in the spirit of happiness, Birdie had a fantastic check-up today. He now weighs 18 pounds and is 27.5 inches long. He's holding steady at the 95-98th percentile for height and 75-90th percentile for weight. To use Joe's words, we are growing a beanpole (Emmi) and a bowling ball (Logan). The Dr. said he can move on to chunkier foods (already) and start pureed meats (already!). 

Single and Lovin' It!
And, in the spirit of grief, I have moved this (below) from where it sat which was next to my side of the bed. Notice it is not actually IN the attic, just simply around the corner from its original position. Just far enough that when I come upstairs I don't immediately see it, but if I turn the corner, it is there. And when I'm done grieving the sweetness of my baby boy no longer fitting or having a use for his bassinet, I will...

let it go.

Friday, April 13, 2012

All Grows Up

Believe it or not, Logan is gaining some independence. At the ripe ol' age of 20 weeks, he has adjusted beautifully to eating solids and he doesn't need to nurse as often. He tries to take the spoon most often and feed himself. He also likes to play "by himself" more too. He looks at me sometimes as if to say, "No Mama, you don't need to hold onto me allll the time". So I oblige and Birdie is content to be placed on the floor so he can flip himself over repeatedly like a flapjack and maneuver himself into the latest buttintheairI'mtryingtocrawl move. Of course, he still needs me, after all, he is a baby. But, I am already realizing that in his own way, he is starting to grow up. It's what kids do (so I am told ;)) and every time I think about it, I am instantly transported back to a memorable quote from one of my favorite movies, Swingers (see clip). And yes, sometimes I feel like jumping on a table to announce his milestones (okay, but probably sans profanity). But, as a mother, there is nothing more that you could want for your child than to be confident and independent but know, that at any moment, they can still trade in their I Need My Mommy Now card. So, Logan, you may not be all grows up, but you are grows up to me.

And it's a beautiful thing to watch.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

A Taste of Things to Come

Eating. Seems so natural. So second nature. Some live to eat while others eat to live. Whatever the case may be, we all started somewhere. Our joys of biting into our favorite food all had humble beginnings. For many of us, it all started with our first taste of the real noms. No more liquid diet here folks. Logan's on the good stuff. Iron-fortified, breast-milk enriched, milled to perfection rice cereal. Once you've had a taste of the good eats any honorable foodie knows there is no going back. Rice cereal one day filet mignon with roquefort butter... lobster ravioli... mashed banana the next.

Perhaps I'm getting carried away.

But, as any Birdie would do, when food from the Mama Birdie is presented, you open your little Birdie mouth and let it in.

Needless to say he enjoyed every "bite".  Here's to a lifetime of good eats Logan!

First bite.