Thursday, November 15, 2012

Your First Birthday: A Letter to Birdie

Dear Birdie,

I hope when you are older you will enjoy reading this blog. I have saved it, to be sure, in hard cover book form. You will find it in my treasure chest upstairs when you are ready to read it. Perhaps "blogging" will be obsolete by then... I can't take any chances!

Some may have thought I started this blog to share the virtues of motherhood, but alas, I know very little just on my own. I learn from what you and Peanut teach me. What you share with me are the greatest and best lessons.

Others may think I started this blog for myself, as a way to document my beautiful year with you, and that, I suppose is partly true, but, the real reason is that I did it for you. I want you to know that from the very moment you were nothing but a poppy seed inside of me to the strapping (haha) little boy you grew to be, I have always loved you.

As you will later read in Daddy's thesis/memoir, what we went through was not the easiest, but we would do it all over again if it meant we got to have you. Please don't ever forget how wanted and wished for you were.

Whatever you want to be is up to you... I dreamed you into this life and you now hold the power to dream a life for yourself.

No matter what anyone else tells you: never wear a hat in a restaurant or movie theater, always hold the door open for a woman, it is okay to cry, and there is no such thing as "take it like a man". Somehow, somewhere these simple life lessons and courtesies (and many more) have become lost and I want you to know that being a boy and turning into a man is something very special... You will have the power to do many things but you also have the ability to do them with manners, grace, and sensitivity.

Of course, your Godfathers are very special and meaningful to you as they are to me. They are your Uncles after all! But, also know that we chose who your GodMommy is for a reason. She is a very special person with incredible strength, wisdom, and wit. Please listen to what she has to say and follow her lead when it comes to faith. You will need something bigger than you to believe in.

Lastly and most importantly, if you stop and listen closely, you can hear the birds singing. I will never stop listening to you Birdie. I will never tire of your questions. I will always answer you when you call my name.

Only one year old and you get to write your own song... And what a sweet one it will be.



Author's note: Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts this year. I have been blessed beyond measure. This post, as was the same with Emmi when she turned one year, is my last. <3

Music Playlist at

Sunday, November 4, 2012


This post is best told with few words and many photos:

The world is your oyster Birdie.

Back soon for a 1st Birthday post, which will be my last.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Reader's Choice

I have pretty much read the same book to Birdie every night for the past 3 months. Mainly it has been for selfish reasons: he cracks up every time I read it and I love watching him giggle. Last night I thought I would finally switch things up and I chose a new book off the display shelf. Much to my surprise, he wriggled down off my lap, crawled over to the books, pulled himself to a standing position and immediately pulled down the other book I had repeatedly read to him! I was floored... out of all those books on the case, he went right for it. Point taken.

Happiest 11 months to my climbing, standing, walking 2 steps then plunking down boy today.


Monday, October 8, 2012

Thank You for Waiting

My biggest fear in going back to work was missing a milestone. I had given Joe specific instructions not to tell me when something happened. But, who am I kidding? Of course I would want to know anyway. I would get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I would be happy. It would be a bittersweet moment.

When Emmi took her first steps, it was in front of her Uncle and Auntie in Canada on an iChat. We had no idea it was going to happen. She just let go and walked toward them on the screen. It happened on a Saturday morning. She waited for me and I was so happy that she did.

I knew Logan was gearing up for something. He had been a tad restless at night and moving around his crib. I secretly prayed he'd wait for me too. Yesterday, right before the entire family on the East Coast was about to sit down for Thanksgiving (Canadian) dinner, he took 2.5 steps from me to Joe. He waited for me too.

To be honest, I feel like a weight has been lifted off me. Now, I can breathe a little easier leaving in the morning. Sure, they may be other things here and there that J will witness first. But, I'm okay with that... I got to see the first steps!

My little boy is going to have a whole new world to explore, all on his own two feet.

Thank you for waiting for me Birdie.

Friday, September 28, 2012

The Rite of the Happy Meal

There are certain things I dreamed about doing as a parent. Ordering a Happy Meal was one of them. Mini fries and chicken McNuggets are my rite of passage. As a parent, I have proudly earned that badge and I wear it with pride. Another is buying and/or making Halloween costumes. I remember last year, J and I saw this ridiculously cute costume for E that was of course way overpriced. We passed. That night, I tossed and turned. I wanted that costume, dammit. We came back the next day, plunked down $29.95 (plus $5 extra for the tights) and that girl was the cutest gosh darn watermelon you ever saw. As badly as J and I wanted our children, I can also match how badly I want and can't wait to do things with them.

Today I thought it would be great to buy a mini pumpkin and have Birdie finger paint it as his 10 month old way of decorating it. Target had the mini pumpkin but when I went into the art and crafts aisle for finger paint, I was greeted by THREE different kinds, and all of them said, "No Mess Finger Paint" on them. I stood there quizzically... until I snapped out of it and realized E was in the next aisle over, with said pumpkin in hand, rolling it on the floor like a bowling ball, and L had pulled down a hanging display of glue sticks. Back to the finger paint. Each boasted it's own qualities: use me on special paper and the paint appears! clear! dries quickly! But, it was their rite to make a mess, I thought. I don't want clear finger paints that only show up on special $8 paper as much as they don't want it. We want REAL finger paints!  After my mini-tantrum, E handed me a package of window crayons as if to say, Umm, here Mommy. Point taken child.

Having another kid means being able to relive those rites of passage over again, through new eyes.

Halloween here we come. ;)

Sunday, September 23, 2012

10 Months

I've been back at work 19 days now. I am homesick. Sometimes, I can actually hear Birdie's giggles and little snarfly noises then I realize it's all in my head. He echos like a song you can't stop singing or a jingle that you can't shake. My boy sticks with me.

He celebrated the big 1-oh today (10 months that is). Recent accomplishments include standing for 10-20 seconds unassisted and banging on anything he can get his hands on to achieve that satisfied, "I can has make noises" face. Love it. Walking is not too far behind and although I am never one to rush things, I am excited for the dynamic it will create between him & E. Right now they are so cute when they play together, walking would just take it to a new height (no pun intended).

First birthday plans are in full swing. In my next life I hope I'm an event or party planner.

I really can't believe he's going to be one soon.

My heart is full. :)

Saturday, September 15, 2012

34 years, a Hug, and an Idea

My Grandfather, Birdie's Great-Grandfather, started a gifting tradition when my brother and I were first born. Every year for Christmas and birthdays we would receive a set of proof coins from the Canadian mint. At the time, my brother and I would do nothing more than admire them in their velvet boxes, which would give off that distinctive crack! when you snapped them shut. Over the years we collected and stored them and eventually when I moved to the States, a few made it with me, with others still left behind, tucked safely away for when I am ready for them. My Grandfather's rule was simple: I could cash them in whenever I wanted but he wanted me to cash them in and use the money for something that would give back to me. Examples of this were a down payment for a car or a house, or some sort of investment. I agreed.

Back in April, I had a "dream" about my Grandfather... I don't receive visits from him often, but when he comes, he comes in that blissful middle place right before you are sound asleep yet on the verge of possibly still being awake. It's that middle place where the most delightful times occur. This time was no exception. He came and hugged me and in light of everything that has been going on with my family and some tough times we (particularly my Mom) had been sharing he told me everything was going to be okay. He also told me he had an idea and I would know it later.

When I awoke that morning I hadn't immediately remembered his visit and it took me the better part of the morning to snap to and have that "Oh yeah!" moment. As soon as I remembered his visit, I had an idea. Born in Poland, his Canadian citizenship was something he valued and treasured a great deal and as much as he displayed his proud Polish heritage, he was thrilled and honored to be a Canadian as well.

That afternoon, after telling J my plan, we took 2 of the coins he had given me, dating back to 1978, and cashed them in. I took the money, bought Logan's passport (E already had hers), went and had 4 very precisely measured photos taken, and applied. It came on Friday in the mail... L & E are both now Canadian citizens.

34 years later, I don't think my Dzia could have ever guessed that his investment to me would allow me to have my children, his great-grandchildren, obtain something so precious and so valued.

Well, Dzia, I have followed your rule, your gift lives on...

thank you.